Note before reading – this is written from the perspective, experiences and thoughts of a bisexual young woman. However, this is entirely translatable for other relationships that fall on a large spectrum eg. Mummy/little boy.
I’ve spent the last 2 hours of my morning coaching a Daddy/little couple who reside in the U.S. The man/Daddy is 35 years of age, his partner 18. I get many kinky and sex interested people reaching out to me for help, and even established and experienced people. It’s very flattering to have people reach out to me as a young person, particularly older people, and to entrust me as a slave and poly person to impart my knowledge I’ve gathered on my journey thus far. But this particular couple struck a chord, and their relationship progression deeply resonated with my own sexual evolution as a kinkster. At the beginning of my journey in submission I leant towards littling, particularly coming out of a destructive relationship where I was repeatedly sexually abused. I wanted to escape my past abuses and reality through entering in ddlg world of colours and fluffy things. As my d/s begun progressing, I quickly realised that the ddlg aspects of my relationship were not conducive to one a d/s one. I was losing my independence, becoming highly-reliant, needy and demanding. The couple I was speaking to this morning want to progress into a d/s and potentially m/s relationship, and reached out for help as to how to do so. The first thing I told them – “your princess is going to have to release a huge part of her little identity and the behaviours that come with it”. But here’s the catch. They (and you if applicable) can still retain the healthy parts of your little identity and integrate them into a successful d/s relationship. But it takes work, time, vulnerability and a huge amount of self-awareness; from both the Daddy and little!
But manifest it into better understanding of your Masters emotions. The sensitivities and emotions of a little often neglect the well-being and emotions of the dominant/Master. Temper-tantrums and being bratty are two common coping mechanisms selected by little, and are highly destructive to the unentitled ways of a slave. A slave doesn’t throw tantrums when she doesn’t get what she wants. A slave doesn’t use child-like strategies and manipulations to get what she immediately wants. She interprets, she understands, she contemplates and she moves on; just like an adult does (or at least should). Instead of crying, whinging and being emotional, a slave approaches a problem or concerns she may have in a considered and adult way.
But don’t manifest it into infantilising. Wrap yourself around his feet when you’ve had a difficult day, weep in his arms if you really need to, keep your stuffies and cuddle up to them at night, and even keep your paci (I still have mine kept in my drawers). But, remind yourself that you’re an adult. Don’t fall into the magical world of a child. You have responsibilities, people who probably rely on you, you are an adult. You need to identify your little tendencies, understand how they are evident into your relationship, find the ones that negatively affect your submissive headspace and relationship, and never let them get the best of you. A child has difficulty controlling their emotions, a real adult identifies them, legitimises them if required/necessary, and is able to control them. Your emotions never come first in d/s. M/s is a whole other ball-game.
Littles often are highly possessive and easily jealous, as special privileges and entitlement is typically established. A slave is unentitled and should strive to be down to earth, especially if they are in a poly or open relationship where others are involved and effected. I am not entitled to sex, time or attention as a slave, and I personally believe that this should be applied to all slaves. A little is often demanding, and the Daddy dominant often essentially becomes of service to the little, or in most instances - a submissive, bending at the whim of every cry and moan. This is a potential problem created by both parties however; the little is simply acting within the means and boundaries of the established ddlg arrangement.
On the flip side:
If deserved and demonstrated by her, give her trust, responsibilities, hold her to a high standard and don’t attach yourself to her. Littles are universally very attached to their Daddies, however Daddies are often too! Submissives and slaves are independent women who autonomously select men to be their leaders and dominants with their own free will, they entrust themselves in you as their leader. They are able to function without their Daddies. So men - please treat them like women, especially if you’re evolving from a ddlg relationship to a d/s one.
What are your thoughts? Let’s start a (reasonable) discussion kinky gals and guys.
SOURCE: https://fetlife.com/users/8024804/posts/5127165