Not everybody knows how to talk dirty. It gets trickier with power exchange: suddenly you have the burden of not only being sexy, but being powerful. This leads to some cringeworthy stuff! I would like to help you fix your shit.
There is one golden rule to talking dirty, and it's this:
By and large, people are way sexier when they're not trying to sound sexy. Have you ever fallen head-over-heels for somebody just by talking to them? It happens a lot, right? Now, how often have you had someone who seemed completely lovely up-front turn into an absolute idiot when they opened their mouth in the bedroom? It's like they think the right way to be sexy in bed is to turn into a bad 80s movie montage.
Just... talk to your partner. Seriously. It's that easy.
"Do you like that? Mmm, how about now? Oh! You're really into that, aren't you? Tell me you're into that."
You're talking to them, and also, you're both horny. You don't have to hide the horniness: don't try and keep your tone of voice sounding like you're talking to the cashier at McDonald's. But being horny doesn't mean you're not still talking to somebody you know. Again: no bad 80s movie dialogue. You don't have to "get in character". The character you're playing is yourself: a person that your partner thought was a good idea to fuck. Please don't let them down.
If you need a guideline, there are two general things you can talk about:
-- How you feel about things. ("You feel so good!" "Fuck me harder!" "Get on top!")
-- How your partner feels about things. ("How's that?" "Would you like it if I choked you?" "Do you want to choke me?")
You can ask questions; you can say (or moan) exactly how you're feeling; you can gloat or tease; you can say what you're imagining happening. You can even tell your partner that you love them, if you think you'd both be into that.
If you have a partner that wants you to have power over them, two things are going on:
-- You've made them feel a certain way.
-- They want to feel another kind of way, and they can only feel it if you help them get there.
You're still having that conversation with them, but with one difference: the two of you are both trying to get towards that second kind of feeling.
The worst thing you can do is fake it. Bad dirty talk is always bad, but bad dominant talk can ruin things for a long time. I know submissives who flat-out can't respect a partner who flubs their dom-speak.
Most faked dom-talk comes from an egregiously stupid belief: that, as your partner's top, you're forbidden from being uncertain. Some doms—and, let's be real, some subs too—have the asinine belief that the person with the power in an exchange ought to be omniscient. This leads to terrified doms trying to bluster their way into having power, which never works, because bluster is the surest sign of panic and idiocy in the world.
You can ask questions. You can explore. The only thing that changes when you're dominant is that you're expected to pay attention to your partner's pleasures, and use them to drown them ever-more in their own bliss. You don't have to sound uncertain as to whether or not that's what they're looking for—and once you drop that uncertainty, you'll find that virtually anything can sound dominant, so long as you keep your purpose in mind.
"How would you like it if I called you a good girl?"
"How does it make you feel, when I rub your cock like this?"
"What would make you writhe right now?"
You don't have to know the answers to these questions. Seriously, it is allowed to ask submissives what they want you to do to them, or what they want you to make them do to you. Submission is a desire: if somebody wants to be submissive with you, they already want to submit. You're not trying to figure out how to best them in a power struggle: you're trying to learn what it means that, in a sense, they want to let you win.
If you have a lot of experience with submissive partners, you likely have a few ideas about what people find sexy, and (hopefully!) know how to test them out as you go. You also probably understand the importance of negotiation beforehand, and possibly go into sessions with new play partners already knowing what they're looking for. At that point, all you've got to do is fine-tune a little bit, adapting your flow of conversation to theirs, the same you'd do in any conversation with a new person.
If you're newer to acting dominant, you shouldn't assume that your goal is to act like a seasoned veteran. Here's a little secret for you: newbie dominants are really hot. It's fun being somebody's playground, somebody's laboratory, and watching them discover how to do what they do. There's something insanely sexy about somebody figuring out, in real time, that they've just hit upon something that gives them power over their partner. Getting to feel their glee as they discover it, and proceed to use it against you again and again, is a rare pleasure for a submissive, and it's usually not an experience that can be faked.
Don't put on a big show. Don't try to act superior if you're not feeling superior: that's one of the quickest ways to make your partner feel sour. Instead, simply trust that you're here because your partner wants to to be here, and that, inexperienced or no, you've already "won"—you've already made them want to submit. Now all you have to do is talk with them, and help them figure out how to point you to all their buttons, all their weak spots. It will take some time, but that's the beauty of the process: if you find even one, you'll have an unforgettable time with them, and even if you don't find any, they'll get more than you think out of your trying in an open, honest way.
There's a silly piece of advice that seriously matters here, as much as it matters in any other kind of play:
You're just two people in a room.
Doesn't matter how you're playing, or what your specific kinks and fetishes are. They might be looking for someone who can tie them up, suspend them in the air, and beat them like a piñata. Or maybe their idea of a dominant is just somebody who will wrap them up in their arms, kiss them softly, and encourage them as they open up about their lust for you. The specifics matter so much less than you think. (If anything, the more extreme kinksters tend to get over their bullshit faster, and know far better about the importance of being regular old human beings at all times.)
So be yourself. Be natural. Don't fake being something you're not; don't say things that you "think" you should say—and if your partner wants you to say something and you don't get why, talk to them about it. Be honest about your uncertainties. Be honest about your ignorance. You can do all that and still make somebody writhe and pant their way into submission to you. It's much easier than it looks.
SOURCE: https://fetlife.com/users/4832168/posts/5252507