mateoscamino wrote:
Defer to my judgment:
You make decisions every day, all day. You’re an independent person to the vanilla world, but in my presence we both crave that you rely on me. Ask me about what collar, clothing, earrings, jewelry, nail polish, and lipstick you should wear. I have preferences and likings about what you wear. When I choose, wear it. This is showing me that you value my opinion, my Dominance and my decision making.
Mind your manners:
Let’s take an example from up above. I choose for you to wear lace underwear the next day, but it dawns on you that you work. This is a problem because lace is itchy and irritating when you’re constantly moving around a lot. In such cases if ever you feel that I am not taking into consideration a circumstance (e.g. forecast, timing) you should tell me afterward by chiming, “With respect, Sir, ….” and in doing so you are showing an appreciation for my decision but respectfully explaining why I should modify it. This also helps me know that you aren’t simply being bratty and difficult to work with. Don’t forget that “please,” “thank you” and “you’re very welcome” are also a huge plus.
Say “your submissive” instead of I:
In a room with booming white noise, your using ownership pronouns is a clear and melodious tune to my ears. It focuses my attention on you and fuels my sense of ownership– as well as your being owned. It’s one hell of an intangible signifier of my ownership and your submission. In it you are accepting and reminding yourself that you do not belong to yourself or the world. I am the man you belong to. You are mine, you are my property.
Tell me you appreciate me:
Everyone likes being told that they are appreciated whether they did something small or grand. The same goes for me. I relish in the idea that my efforts have been noticed, especially if I’ve acted on something I struggle with.
Give your input:
You know I love planning, organizing and using documents in our dynamic. Consequently, I may need your opinion on lists I’ve made, (e.g. suitable rewards, punishments, negotiable limits) and I expect you to get back to me so you may coherently and concisely tell me what you think of them. This tells me that you’ve thought about our dynamic in depth and allows both of us to learn a bit more about each other–something I love doing. Furthermore, this assists you in expressing your thoughts.
Analyze your tasks:
Have you ever assumed someone’s intentions without thinking twice and later find out you hadn’t assumed correctly? I’ve given you many tasks throughout you journey as a submissive with me. I don’t assign busy work. There is a reason behind every task I present to you. Granted, they may focus on our pleasure like having 3 orgasms for me on a single day but may also be centered around something you struggle with. For example, you know I love nonsexual service and a neat bed. Combine the two and you have your task: neatly making our bed up to pristine conditions every morning. Properly making the bed improves your attention to detail, precision, respect and appreciation for where we lay our heads down together at night. Thinking about the reasoning behind every tasks is an important part to deepening your submission and viewing your tasks in a brighter light and not as a mind numbing chore.
Complete your tasks:
We cannot be together 24/7, especially in our LDR relationship, and as a submissive, you need to feel my presence with you every moment of the day. Tasks are perfect simultaneous examples in which I can be away but with you. By completing your assigned tasks, you are telling me that your submission and our dynamic are a priority– things I need to make sure of. It can also center you when you’ve had a long day at work, assuming tasks are consistent activities you may look forward to. Find solace in the idea that you are fulfilling my need for nonsexual service.
Be 100% honest in your writings:
Like in any relationship, communication is important. It is one of the core values in D/s to maintain a successful power exchange. You submissive journal is a safe space where you can write freely; thus, I want you to think of it as you planning your side of a metatalk–as @instructor144 calls it– wherein we talk about the dynamic outside of our roles, not within them. Your honesty allows me insight into your mind and gives me an idea of what I need to work on within our dynamic. Different pieces you write may also focus on developing your self-awareness.
Respect our structure: When we entered this relationship, I agreed to lead and bring out the best in you through our rules. You agreed to follow. Together we decided trust and communication were things we both valued. Now, it is no different. Respecting our structure means holding each other accountable for our wrongdoings and our short comings. Not only that but celebrating and loving each other devotedly. However, purposefully disobeying our rules is like a crack in the foundation of our home–in other words it will eventually ruin everything in its path if not fixed. In giving our relationship the respect it deserves, you are reinforcing the core values we put on a pedestal and consequently reassure me that we can make this work.
Accept your punishments:
Contrary to what some might say, punishments are not for you to “learn your lesson.” They are implemented to hold you accountable. Again when we entered this relationship, I agreed to bring out the best in you through our rules. Punishments not only acknowledge that you broke a rule but make you think twice about breaking it, thus promoting desirable behavior. Accepting your punishments shows me that you recognize your actions are unacceptable and require correction. In short, you are owning up to your behavior, which I greatly appreciate. (Though I’ve found positive reinforcement works better in some cases.)